http://www.latimes.com/features/home/la-hm-nanny21-2009mar21,0,4179351.story
From the Los Angeles Times
FEELING THE PINCH
Nannies take on extra duties as households economize
Along with child care, nannies are asked to do the cleaning, shopping and other tasks once done by others.
By Christy Hobart > > >
March 21, 2009
When a nanny with 10 years of experience was let go last year after her Hancock Park employers divorced, she had a hard time finding a new job. After five months of looking, she changed her application at the placement agency from "nanny" to "housekeeper" -- and lowered her hourly rate.
It worked. Soon she was hired at a 10,000-square-foot house near Malibu as a housekeeper -- until the family's nanny was laid off. For $3 more an hour, the housekeeper began steaming the carpets -- and feeding the dogs and making dinner -- with a baby on her hip. When the family also let go its personal assistant, she took on grocery shopping, managing the gardener, directing the pool man, helping with the family business . . .
"I definitely can't say no," says the housekeeper-nanny- personal assistant, who asked that her name not be used for fear of getting fired. After all, she has four children of her own to support.
Households everywhere are looking to economize at home, perhaps switching to generic products, starting up (or letting go of) a membership at Costco or dropping premium channels from their cable service. But when these efforts don't make a material dent in the finances, they search for bigger cuts -- and that can mean the household staff. Do they really need a nanny? Or a housekeeper? And for those lucky enough to have both, couldn't the jobs be combined?
For people who went into the nanny business with a love of children and clearly defined boundaries about what they will and won't do -- yes to making the kids' lunch, no to cleaning toilets -- the recession is blurring those lines. The bosses' finances and nannies' own tenuous job security are forcing many workers to redefine not only what they do, but also who they are.
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Nannies air their frustrations at the Nanny and Me group at the parenting center of Temple Beth Am in Los Angeles. Gabrielle Kaufman facilitates the group, which started as a place where Spanish-speaking nannies could engage in educational play with their charges while learning about nutrition, safety and health. It's also a place where nannies can swap stories, and Kaufman has noticed more anxiety creeping into their conversations.
"Even though they're doing a lot more than they used to," she says, "they feel they can't complain. They feel lucky to have a job."
Kaufman hears of nannies offering to take on more responsibilities in an effort to make themselves indispensable -- or to squeeze another household employee out of a job.
Joanna Brody of Culver City doesn't question the motives of her nanny, who offered to take on more cleaning duties while her toddlers napped.
"She likes to keep busy," Brody says.
Although the extra help was appreciated, it put Brody in a difficult situation as it became clear she didn't need twice-monthly cleaning service. Now the service comes just once a month.
"I feel bad for Philip," Brody says of the owner of the cleaning company she's been using for more than a year. "He's a hard-working entrepreneur, and he's always done a good job. I don't want to take work away from him, but it just doesn't make much sense to keep them both."
Katie Vaughan, head of Westside Nannies, a high-end placement agency whose clients might seem recession-safe, has found lately that families new to the service have been asking for workers who can combine jobs.
"They'll ask for a nanny who can do some cleaning or, even more," she says. "They're looking for a nanny who can take on assistant duties, like buying groceries and gifts, writing thank-you notes, party planning and secretarial work."
Realizing they need to compromise to get a job, prospective employees are more flexible than in the past.
"The typical English nanny or governess used to roll her eyes when I'd ask if she'd be open to cleaning," says Claudia Kahn, owner of the Help Co., another placement agency. "Now they're all saying, 'Send me on the interview.' "
During these tough economic times, a nanny may agree to take on household chores to keep her job, but there are risks to asking for too much, says Lindsay Heller, a psychologist who consults on family and nanny issues and who runs the Nanny Doctor, a service aimed at improving relationships between the two parties.
"It's tempting, financially," she says, but as a result the nanny may feel resentment. "You might see some passive-aggressive behavior," she says, such as showing up late for work.
Heller, who was a nanny for 10 years, warns that employers also could offend a nanny or housekeeper by suggesting that the positions are interchangeable. They are professional roles, she says, and should be respected. Not every nanny is a good housekeeper, and not every housekeeper can take on child-care duties.
"If not done properly," she says, "the child is at risk."
A housekeeper who has children of her own, she adds, is not necessarily qualified to become a nanny. Driving record, language skills -- these become important as soon as duties are expanded to include transporting and caring for children.
"The nanny's role is to provide a healthy and safe environment for children," Heller says. "They work out routines and schedules and arrange play dates and activities."
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If you have to ask an existing employee to take on more responsibilities, Heller recommends being honest about your reasons. If you're not, she says, the change in job description could be seen as a demotion, and resentment could build. The employee should know if the change is short-term or permanent. And though some adults may consider household help interchangeable, children rarely do. Having a beloved nanny or faithful housekeeper change positions or leave a household can be emotionally difficult and requires conversations with the kids.
Above all, Heller says, if you're going to increase an employee's responsibilities, make sure to increase his or her salary accordingly -- or by as much as you can.
The housekeeper who saw her job expand to include nanny and personal assistant duties actually can muster some compassion for her employer's family. "I understand the economy is very bad," she says. "Maybe when the economy is more stable, they'll hire someone to help me."
Until then, however, it's hard for her to see the three luxury cars in the family's garage, the new landscaping going in around the pool and the media room under construction. She's not sure which would be worse: keeping this job or looking for a new one. Until she decides, her résumé is back on file at the placement agency.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
The Nanny Doctor in LA Times
Monday, February 18, 2008
Safety is ALWAYS First!
Whether you are a parent or a nanny, all caregivers should be aware of ways to teach kids to stay safe! Pattie Fitzgerald from Safely Ever After, Inc. is a certified Child Predator Safety Educator and is also certified by the National Security Alliance/Kid-Safe Network. Her articles have been published in numerous parenting magazines, trade journals and websites. Check out http://www.safelyeverafter.com/ for more important safety tips!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
What's in a name?
Over the holidays I was fortunate enough to have spent time with not only my family and friends but several families in search of nanny help. Between the two groups, there has been one question that has consistently come up... "What is the difference between a babysitter and a nanny?"
The first thing I do is let them know that there are even more titles for all of the different roles in the childcare world! This is absolutely down right surprising to most. The following is description of the many childcare roles that exist. Where does your family fit in? What other roles/arrangements have you heard of?
Babysitter:
Employed on a more "as-needed" basis. A babysitter tends to follow the instructions of the parents and not really contribute any professional experience or knowledge regarding child rearing. Childcare is not usually the babysitter's career goal.
Baby Nurse:
A baby nurse is an experienced/trained infant/newborn specialist who comes into your life during the first few weeks of your infants life to assist the family with the day-to-day care of their new infant. Baby nurses work on a 24 hour schedule. They are on-call 24 hours a day. A good baby nurse educates the parents about their newborn, and assists in establishing a sleeping routine, eating routine, and often provide lactation consulting to breastfeeding mothers.
Nanny:
Employed full-time or part-time, can live-in or live-out and work various hours depending on a family's needs. Responsible for "all-things-child": laundry, food prep, snacks, shopping for clothing, toys, books, etc. A nanny is responsible for planning educational and socially stimulating outings, reading to your children, playing with your children. A nanny is essentially responsible for providing physical and emotional safety for your child in your absence. Also, traditionally, a nanny usually has a great deal of experience raising children and may even have some formal training such as classes in early childhood development or parenting.
Mother's Helper:
A mother's helper is someone who comes into the home usually immediately following the homecoming of mom and baby and is there to literally "help" and support the newly formed family. A mother's helper may run errands, do laundry, assist with various tasks around the house, and directly assist mom/dad with their new baby. Usually a mother's helper is not left on her own to care for the kids rather she accompanies and assists.
Au pair:
A young person from another country, often somewhere in Europe, usually between the ages of 18-25 who comes and lives with you for at least a year. Their previous experience is usually limited to babysitting back home or caring for family members' children. An au-pair usually provides childcare as a way to have a new experience in the United States and unlike a professional nanny, childcare is not their final career destination (at least in most cases!). The number of hours an au-pair works per week is limited and a family is expected to provide them with a room and board, minimum salary, and allow time for him/her to take classes as well as pay for tuition in some cases.
Governess:
A caregiver who, in addition to caring for her charge, also puts a premium and priority on educational activities and often tutors the children she looks after.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
The Nanny Doctor's BETTER.TV interview!
I'm very excited to share the first of two Better TV interviews with you. Follow the link to the video!
Better.TV
And here is the rest of it.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Tips for Working at Home and Having A Nanny
Lindsay - How can you establish boundaries between a mother who works in the home and the nanny? who gets final say? How do you keep the children from running to mommy since they know she is there?
December 26, 2007 2:23 PM
Thanks for your comment Lesley. That's a great question. In my experience, this is a relatively common although challenging situation. Often times, this can be remedied by setting clear expectations and time boundaries. Here are some tips to achieve this healthy balance:
1) Set-up a schedule that includes everyone. Build in time when you will see your child so they know when they will see you. Not only will this reduce the anxiety your child may experience related to wondering where you are and wanting to be with you, it will also help you to really focus and get work done. If you are trying to reduce this behavior, one of the worst things you can do is dart in and out of the common areas in perfect visibility of your child. Doing that sets you up for getting no work done, and your child feeling as though they are in an unpredictable environment where they do not know when they will see mom, as well as how long it will be until they will see mom again. This can increase anxious avoidant attachment behaviors.
Here’s an excerpt of a sample schedule:
9AM Nanny arrives, Mom goes to home office. Child engages in some sort of activity depending on age that helps them transition – Perhaps off to the playground! This activity should mark that “we are ALL starting our day!”
10:30AM Mom takes a break. Pops out of office and into more of a common area. Nanny is giving child a snack, Mom visits and has a snack as well! Then, Mom back to work.
12PM Lunch! Everyone has lunch together. Discuss each other’s morning, what are the plans for the afternoon.
1PM Nap time.
3:00PM Snack time. Mom pops in for snack with child and nanny.
3:15PM Mom returns to work. Nanny and child get ready to go outside to park for a playdate.
5:00PM Mom home from “the office”. Good-bye to nanny. Get re-cap of the day from nanny.
2) If at all possible, for your own sanity, work efficiency and your child’s sense of security, set up a space that is specifically for your work. So that everyone knows that when mom is in that corner or in that room, she is working! Setting this clear physical boundary will help all involved. Having a separate space will allow you to have a sense both visually and psychologically of your own space and a sense that when you enter that space – you are “going to work”! The most ideal situation would be having an office space in your home in a separate room. For many children, no matter what the age, if mom is “out-of-sight” it helps children with “out of mind.” Not that they will forget you, it just allows them to focus on their activity more when they are not constantly thinking about “when will I see mom again?”
Now, we all know that families, don’t follow schedules and children don’t wear wristwatches! So, a couple of things to think about:
1) To help make a schedule more child-friendly, create the schedule together. Use a poster board and perhaps take some polaroids or digital pics of them doing each activity so that they can look at the schedule and see what they can anticipate throughout the day. Allow your child to take the pics of you for the parts of the schedule when they will see you.
2) Review your schedule with your child. In the beginning, use the poster board schedule with every transition- have your nanny bring your child over to the schedule look at, discuss it, and narrate aloud: 1) what the day has included so far and 2) what your nanny and your child will be doing next! This, the predictability aspect will give them a sense of safety and security.
3) Be consistent. If you are going to create a schedule, be consistent and follow it yourself as well. If you develop the schedule and then constantly fail to follow it, there is no longer anything predictable about that schedule, and it loses its influence.
4) That said; don’t feel like you have to be too rigid with the schedule. Staying on schedule improves the chances of everyone (nanny-parent-child) feeling as though they are in a predictable environment, however, it should not be a “breakdown moment” if your nanny feeds your child snack at 10:30am instead of 10:15am.
5) When developing your schedule, look for natural transitions like mealtimes to use as your transition back to your office or for your child to begin a new activity.
6) If the schedule is used correctly, over time everyone should get in a groove and know what to expect and no longer need the physical representation of the schedule. At that point you can make your child “the expert” by asking them questions like, “What happens after naptime?” They will feel happy to share the answer with you because they know – and they will be looking for your praise and recognition, “That’s right! We do have snack after nap! You are so smart!”
7) Also, keep in mind that every family is different and every family will have a different schedule!! What works for your family does not always work for another!
8) Having a schedule allows everyone – parent-nanny-child- to feel as though they are in a safe, secure, predictable environment.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Announcement! Save the Date!
Hello readers!
This is an announcemet to let you know that The Nanny Doctor has been asked to teach two Hot Topics classes at The Pump Station
I will be teaching: "The Nanny Doctor on Finding and Maintaining the Right Nanny for your Family" on
January 25th 2008 1-2:30pm at The Pump Station Hollywood
and
February 22nd 2008 1-2:30pm at The Pump Station Santa Monica
Go to www.pumpstation.com or call 310-998-1981 (Santa Monica) or 323-469-5300 (Hollywood)
This class will provide you with attachment-sensitive strategies for finding and maintaining your nanny long-term. Discussion will address fears, concerns, and questions regarding hiring a nanny to care for your child as well as provide you with the tools and insight you need to maintain them long-term.
Hope to see you there!
www.TheNannyDoctor.com
Monday, December 24, 2007
Your Nanny and Their Holiday Bonus
Do you value your nanny and all that they do for you and your family throughout the year? Thinking about that holiday bonus but don’t know exactly how much? Or perhaps you don’t want to give cash and you want to give a gift?
There are truly no standards when it comes to giving your nanny a holiday bonus. In fact, there is quite a range when it comes to families rewarding their nanny for their hard work and dedication over the past year. I have seen everything from restaurant gift cards to 2 week all inclusive paid holiday vacations to the Caribbean for the nanny and her family with use of the family’s private jet and crew! Just like many other aspects of your relationship with your nanny, you need to find what fits for your family, both financially and in a practical sense. Traditionally, the year-end bonus is a cash bonus equivalent to two weeks pay. Some families may opt for a full month’s salary for a holiday bonus. This option is usually reserved for nannies who have been in your employ for at least 2-5 years. Ultimately it is up to you to determine what you are most comfortable giving as a bonus.
Our nanny’s annual hire date is in December, do we need to give them an annual raise and a bonus?
Well, as always a bonus is up to your discretion, however, it is customary to give a holiday bonus of some kind. That said, the annual raise and the holiday bonus should be two separate issues and one should not be substituted for the other.
What do I do if we just hired our new nanny a month ago?
In these cases, I have commonly seen families pay their new nannies for 1 days pay for each month that they have been employed. For example, if your nanny starts at the beginning of November, you would provide him/her with a bonus equivalent to two days pay.
Should my children give our nanny a gift?
Yes. Not only do you model the spirit of giving for your child, but you allow your child to think about how much they value their nanny. This gift should be what the child wants to give the nanny. If they are too young, you may want to provide a framed photo of the nanny with your child, or if they are old enough, your child may want to create a picture. Regardless, it should be meaningful and unique to your child and nanny. Making this gift personalized and special will improve the quality of your relationship with your nanny. They will feel more connected to your family and this will trickle down to feeling more connected to your child.
What if we have had difficulty with our nanny recently? Do we still need to giver her a bonus?
Well, yes and no, it depends on your situation. When thinking about the holiday bonus, you want to review the entire year with your nanny, and become aware of a “recency effect” - where you decide on a bonus based on recent job performance. Also, I would urge you if you had not done so to take this time to review his/her performance and really gather an understanding of what their perception of their job performance has been. This models good communication and also helps refocus both you and your nanny for the New Year!
This year, finances are a little tough. What can we do if we do not want to offend our nanny and want to show her we value her, but we can’t afford to pay 2 weeks salary as a bonus?
Gifts such as restaurant gift cards allow your nanny to spend a nice meal with her family. Some families opt to either pay for or at least subsidize their nannies plane ticket back to their country of origin to see their family. Nannies just like moms like to be pampered and a spa gift card can be just what the doctor ordered. To make a spa gift card go even further, in addition to giving the gift card, you can allow them to go on a day they would normally be working for you. In the case, that you can not afford to pay a bonus or give a gift, you may always give them paid days off during this time.
Preventing Potential Disaster: Collaborating with Your Nanny Agency
Armed with your family’s needs list and job description it’s time to approach your nanny agency. There are many benefits of utilizing an agency to find your family’s new nanny.
First and foremost, an agency, especially one that is a member of an industry association such as the International Nanny Association, is made up of professionals well-versed in this process. This piece in and in itself is invaluable. Often nanny agencies have been started by former nannies who know the industry inside and out. Hiring a nanny agency saves you significant time and effort by prescreening applicants. They meet with prospective applicants in person, review resumes, help the nanny narrow down what they need and want, all in the best interest of helping you to find the right match! They complete background checks, gather pertinent information such as driving records, TB test results, and reference checks. They can also provide you with tax and payroll information as well as resources to provide ongoing support once you have found the right nanny.
The prescreening process also means you won’t be inundated with resumes. A good nanny agency only sends you the most appropriate applicants for your family, not a copy of every resume they receive. Once you receive resumes of potential applicants from the agency, you will spend some time reviewing those resumes to decide whom you think is appropriate for your family to interview. Your nanny agency will be available during this time to discuss the details of these potential applicants as well.
The interview process is one that can bring up a lot of feelings. As a parent you want so much to find the right nanny for your child, however, these feelings, if not identified and addressed, could inhibit you from finding the right person. You may be feeling fearful about having someone else care for your newborn, or you may be overwhelmed at the thought of using alternative resources to help you find your nanny. Due to your family’s schedule, you may feel pressed to go with the first applicant you interview. Or your family may still be recovering from the departure of your last nanny. These are all common experiences that if not properly addressed, may effect your ability to find the right nanny for your family.
As The Nanny Doctor – both a licensed clinical psychologist and former nanny of 10 years – I cannot stress enough the importance of developing your family’s needs list and job description. These two documents will guide both you and your nanny agency through the interview process. Your agency will be better equipped to identify potential applicants, and you will be much more aware of what your family needs.
After you narrow down the potential applicants, your nanny agency will take steps to set up interviews for you with the applicants in your home. It is incredibly important that you prepare for these interviews. I know it’s tough when you have a baby to feed and kindergartner to drop off and a house to run, but the time spent preparing for the interview can be priceless. That time spent screening out potential problematic applicants will save you time down the road. If you can, find time at night after the children are in bed to review your interview questions. If you don’t have time, I recommend you seek out help from a professional who is knowledgeable of this step. Failing to ask the right interview questions could result in a failed match. All to often I see families who become engaged in conflict with their nanny over an issue that could have easily been avoided if only it had been asked about during the interview.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
What are your family's needs?
Finding the right nanny for your family can be a daunting experience, especially if it is your first time. Utilizing your resources, such as your nanny agency can be of great help. There are many fears, concerns and questions that you may have, that with a little preparation, can be resolved. The result is finding a nanny who fits into your family.
Finding a nanny that is the right match for your family is a priceless investment of both time and money. When you find the right person, they grow with your family; there are decreased levels of conflict and increased levels of positive communication. The result? Less disruption to your family life, modeling of quality relationships for your children, and lasting memories. Maintaining a nanny long-term will provide your children with a sense of safety and security that will allow them to grow up healthy and confident. This process begins before you even meet your first applicant!
Benefits
There are many benefits to identifying your family’s needs prior to approaching your nanny agency. Every family is unique and has its own unique needs. When you are not aware of your own family’s unique needs, you may end up hiring someone who doesn’t fit into your family, which may lead to a firing. A firing can cause distress for you and your children. It will result in a disruption to your family life as well as more time and money spent towards finding someone new.
First Things First: Your Family’s Identity
Who are you as a family? Questions to consider include: What are your values? What are your religious beliefs? What holidays do you celebrate? What holidays don’t you celebrate? Are you a bilingual family? What are your family rules? What is your schedule like? Are you laid back or do you run a tight ship? What are your hobbies? Do any of your children have special needs? Are you an active family? Or do you enjoy spending time indoors playing games or baking? Do you have pets? What are your pet peeves? Your answers to these questions will help you to find the right match. Make a list of your answers and think about what other characteristics are unique to your family. The answers to these questions will help you to develop your family’s needs list.
What are your family’s needs?
What are the ages of your children? Do you need a weekend or weekday nanny? Full-time or part-time? Live-in or live-out? Are you looking for someone who does “all-things-child”? Or do you need someone who can also help with housekeeping or errands? Someone who drives? Someone who cooks? Do you want someone who will read books to your children? The answers to these questions will help you to develop a job description.
The next step
Once you have your family’s needs list and your job description in hand, you will be very well prepared to discuss this information with your nanny agency, and your nanny agency will be much more equipped to help you to find the right match!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Welcome!
Hello and welcome to The Nanny Doctor Blog! As a clinical psychologist and former nanny of 10 years, I have brought my experiences together to consult from an Attachment theory based perspective for families and nannies across the country. In the spirit of Attachment Theory, I seek to promote positive relationships between families and their nannies that create strong, healthy, secure emotional bonds between children and their caregivers that will nurture future meaningful relationships.
As a past nanny, I have experience working in a variety of different types of households with a variety of different types of families. As a result of my professional training and nanny experience, I recognize that every family is different and has its own unique needs. As a nanny, I worked with families of all different backgrounds. I worked in small households as well as fully-staffed estates. I worked as both a live-in nanny and as a live-out nanny. I worked for families as a weekday nanny as well as the sole weekend nanny. I traveled with families domestically and abroad. I have nannied for families with infants, toddlers, elementary age, middle school age, and teens. I know what it is like to be a nanny.
Over the years, I saw a need for families and nannies to have a way to communicate their needs to each other in the best interest of their child. Unfortunately all too often nannies are fired as a result of a conflict between the parent and the nanny prior to any attempt at a conflict resolution. The result? The child wakes up the next day and a significant attachment figure in their lives has disappeared. For children, the nanny was a person who maintained their physical and emotional safety on a daily basis. When it becomes clear that that person can just disappear, children may be more cautious to develop a bond in the future, which may contribute to future failures. A loss of or a change in caregivers can be a significant stressor on a child. Furthermore, there is evidence that our early attachment styles especially the first three years of our lives remain steady over time and tend to be replicated in our relationships throughout childhood and then in our friendships and romantic relationships as adults.
Now, here in this blog, I am prepared to discuss topics related to your family's needs and respond to your queries in an effort to help you maintain and nurture your family's relationship with your nanny. I encourage you to post comments or any questions you may have for The Nanny Doctor.
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